Saturday, June 19, 2010

Anonymous

I am officially a blogger... I have a hater.

I knew this day was coming... although I had hoped that I was keeping my blog positive enough to spare myself from comments like these. I woke up this morning to this comment on yesterday’s post:

“Don't you feel kind of guilty accepting a donation when you pay to have a cleaning lady come to your house? I know you don't pay her $2,000 but I mean, cutting back a little would help. I know I wouldn't participate in your raffle week knowing you have the extra money to hire a cleaning lady. OR... maybe just don't mention it in your blog. I know you're not flaunting it... but really, did that detail need to be inserted?”

Posted, of course, by “Anonymous”.

Anonymous... interesting that you find it easy enough to call me out on something from behind the veil of an anonymous comment.

I chose not to delete your comment however, because I think it is a reasonable question. So not only am I not deleting your comment, but I am now creating an entire blog posting {on a Saturday, mind you} to answer your question.
First of all, let me say that I chose to hold this raffle as an avenue for my friends and family to participate in our adoption. Friends and family who know and love Nathan, Beau and me, who have watched us walk the long, expensive and painful road of infertility for the last six years, and who have asked to help in any way that they can.

I realize that many of my readers are “virtual” friends that for some reason find me interesting enough that they keep coming back. I am ever so humbled and grateful for these people.

I did not expect that people who do not know our family personally would want to participate in this raffle, however I have been absolutely blown away by the support and love I have received from so many of you… it has been a huge, unexpected blessing.

Yes, I have been gifted $2,000 for our Home Study.
Yes, my amazing friends {who know that I have a cleaning lady} are paying for the majority of our adoption costs {probably somewhere around $25,000}
Yes, I am still asking for more help.

Yes, I have a cleaning lady that I pay $80 every two weeks.
I also dye my hair out of a box, do not have acrylic nails, and Nathan and I both drive 9 year old cars that are paid off.

I don’t feel the need to lie about our situation, or justify every penny that I will spend over these next few months, but I do want to address this issue.

I run my own business out of my home. 
I am a person that goes 90 miles an hour, all day long. 
I never stop. 
Even if I am watching TV, I am working on a project, sorting through my mail, or folding laundry. 
In these last two years as my business has grown, I have found it impossible to run my business {which is a full-time responsibility with employees to pay} and keep up with my household, while still finding time to play with my son. 
If it comes to a choice between having a half an hour to sit down and play a game with Beau or clean a toilet… Beau will always win.

Part of the Home Study process requires a Home Inspection.
If I did not have a cleaning lady… we would not pass that inspection. It’s that simple.

We could make little cuts here and there… and it would realistically take us at least a year to save up $5,000. We have waited six years for a brother or sister for Beau. 
We are not getting any younger and neither is he.

We feel very confirmed that this is God’s timing for our family.

If people are willing to help, we are willing to take it, with great humility and gratitude.

I have to admit that this comment hurt my feelings. 
I am hoping {and telling myself} that it came from someone that does not know my family.

It got me thinking though… I struggle with being a judgmental person. 
It is a sin that I fight every day. 
This comment made me think about all the times that I have judged someone else’s situation from the high and mighty place of my own soapbox.

I am going to try not to do that anymore.

And I am certainly not going to leave an anonymous comment passing my judgment.

One other thing:
Like I said, I have been blown away by the response to our request for help. I have opened a new bank account and all of the money raised from this raffle will go directly into that account, keeping it separate from our regular family funds. When our process is over, and we have finished covering the costs of our adoption, it is my hope and prayer that there will be some funds leftover for us to pass on to another couple that needs help building their family. I would even love for this raffle to be an annual event, so that we could help many families over the years.

It is also Nathan and my plan that should God ever bless us with an abundance of wealth, that we would be able to bless another family {as our friends are for us} with covering the costs of their adoption.

I cannot think of a better gift you could give a person than the chance for a baby. My friend has told me several times through tears what a blessing it is for her to get to do this for us.

Anonymous… I don’t expect you to contribute to our raffle. I don’t expect you to ever read my blog again. And that’s okay.

God has a plan for my family, and your comments are not going to deter us.

To everyone else… thank you for your support and love, whether or not you choose to buy raffle tickets. I am so secure in the fact that God has blessed this plan, that I know much good is going to come out of it, and that many people, not just my family, are going to be blessed by it.

Like all of our friends and family that have been praying for us for six years.

And my son, who told my sister the other day when she asked him how he was feeling about all this that “it is like every one of my penny wishes is coming true.”

**Update**

Thank you so much to all my dear friends that came rushing to defend me.  It turns out that what could have ruined my day ended up blessing me in many ways.
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." -Genesis 50:20


In case you don't check the comments, I wanted to be sure that everyone saw that Anonymous sent me the following:

"Dear Emmy,
I am very sorry for the things I wrote. I wrote them last night after viewing your blog and moments later I was so ashamed of myself that I tried to delete it… and I couldn’t. I have no excuses for why I said those things. I guess it was just my first reaction to reading your blog. A reaction that should have been kept to myself. I wrote it last night at work (I work the graveyard shift) and I couldn’t even sleep when I got home from work. I was sick to my stomach. You are right, I do not know you. I now understand your reasoning… although you did not owe me ANY explanation on why you get a cleaning lady… and I should not have assumed you did owe an explanation. I am so embarrassed for what I did. It is truly not even like me. I would be so ashamed if my husband, family or friends even know I did something irresponsible and rash like that. I am posting this anonymously again because I’m so embarrassed. You have a lot of family and friends supporting you and I can’t believe I would judge someone I don’t even know and then publicly attack them. You are a much better person that I’ll ever be and I apologize for inserting myself into your life so negatively. I am not a hater, although my actions definitely reflected that. I know this apology cannot take away what I wrote, but I did want you to know, for what its worth, I am truly sorry. I was going to send this personally to your email-- but if I can publicly criticize and judge you, I need to publicly apologize."

I am truly and deeply impressed that she did not get defensive, but just humbly apologized.  I think that shows real character.  As I said in my response to her, there have been many times that  I have run my mouth without thinking, or lost sleep over my actions, but I'm not sure that  I would have taken the time to write such a sincere, honest apology.

Whoever you are Anonymous {and I don't need to know} I hope that you will stick around this crazy blog, and maybe even make some more {non-anonymous} comments in the future.

13 comments:

  1. Emmy, it BREAKS my heart that as I opened my google reader this morning for the first time and opened your new post, this is what I was greeted with. God has opened a huge door for you, Nathan, and Beau to adopt after all these years and you should all walk though it with open arms. I think that anyone who needs to leave an Anonymous comment is someone who attacks in a hurtful, passive aggressive way. I'm sure if she could have a cleaning lady, even if it was on someone else's dime, she would accept in a heartbeat. I know I would!!! I love you and I'm so excited for this adventure your family is on and I can't wait to make baby Rags to Stitches stuff for your little one!!!! Be encouraged and ENJOY your weekend! God bless!

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  2. Nicole FredericksJune 19, 2010 at 8:58 AM

    Excellent, well thought out response to a dumb comment. Don't let "Anonymous" get you down. Those who know you, know what this means to you!

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  3. oh dear. remember too that, as Christian, we are a family. we are supposed to walk together through everything and share burdens. the financial responsibility that is coming to you is a burden we should all share!

    my friend that just "beat" breast cancer had meals brought to her 5 nights a week for months. her husband spent his time, that he could have been cooking, playing with the kids and caring for his wife. i don't see it any different.

    sharing. burdens.

    the ONLY reason i am mad at you for having a house cleaner is because i don't. i'm soooo jealous!

    i love that you openly admit that this made you remember to "check yourself" and the way you judge others, i think that is SOOO important and you are truly hearing God's voice in that. the other voice IS DRIVEN by evil. Satan doesn't like it when Christians work together for HIS glory, plain and simple!

    i strongly dislike when people think it is their responsibility to "call others out" with a lack of relationship. anonymous comments are ridiculous. everything is to be done in love. and while the BIble tells us to hold each other accountable, it is supposed to be in the midst of a deep, loving, graceful and supportive relationship. think of Jesus and the woman at the well.

    if anonymous is a Christian, she should have offered to COME CLEAN YOUR HOUSE FOR YOU if bothered her that much ... to help you save more money ...

    there's a challenge! service instead of a sinful attitude?

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  4. Anonymous...how dare you! I will answer your questions...

    “Don't you feel kind of guilty accepting a donation when you pay to have a cleaning lady come to your house? NO! EMMY IS THE MOST HUMBLE, CARING, AMAZING, HARDWORKING, TRUSTWORTHY, BEAUTIFUL PERSON I HAVE EVER KNOWN! YOU WOULD ONLY BE SO LUCKY TO CALL HER YOUR FRIEND. I know you don't pay her $2,000 but I mean, cutting back a little would help. EMMY IS A BUSINESS OWNER, MOTHER AND WIFE. ANY SPARE MOMENT SHE HAS GOES TO BEAU (WHO HAPPENS TO BE THE SWEETEST, MOST LOVING LITTLE BOY EVER!! I know I wouldn't participate in your raffle week knowing you have the extra money to hire a cleaning lady. NO ONE ASKED YOU TO PARTICIPATE IN THE RAFFLE. NO ONE HAS ASKED YOU TO READ HER BLOG. OR... maybe just don't mention it in your blog. DON'T READ IT!!I know you're not flaunting it HAHA!! REALLY BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU THINK SHE IS FLAUNTING IT! OR YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS!... but really, did that detail need to be inserted?”
    YES!! IT NEEDED TO INSERTED!! WOULD YOU LIKE THE NAME AND NUMBER OF HER CLEANER? I'M SURE YOU HAVE DIRTY TOLIETS!!

    Next...
    There is a baby right now in this world growing inside someone else and the Blakely name is already tattooed on his or her heart. This child will be going to one of the most amazing mother I have ever known. This child will be loved unconditionally and grow up in a family of laughter and happiness!!

    I will be not only participating in the raffle but I will also be making a DONATION and helping the Blakely family in anyway so that one day soon she can blog about how blessed they are to have a new addition to their already WONDERFUL family!

    With all the love and respect for the Blakely family,
    Jennifer Bennett

    Ladera Ranch, CA...I'm not scared :o) Just forgot my log in info!!

    I LOVE YOU EMMY BLAKELY!! YOU ROCK!!

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  5. I'm so sorry Emmy. I had no idea of your infertility struggles and your plan to adopt until now when I saw you posted a link to your blog via FB.

    Don't let this get you down. You're a sweetheart, always have been! I'll be praying for you and your family as you go forward with this effort to adopt. I wish you the BEST!! xoxo

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  6. Personally, I have seen how hard you work to take care of your family and run your business! Sometimes I have wondered when you sleep. On top of all of that, you are the friend that is always there to give your time, talent and heart to whomever needs it-without questions! The audacity of "Anonymous" to question where and how you spend your money just goes to show they don't know your giving personality!

    You are an amazing person with an amazing family and that little baby that God has already chosen for you is so LUCKY!

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  7. Dear Emmy,
    I am very sorry for the things I wrote. I wrote them last night after viewing your blog and moments later I was so ashamed of myself that I tried to delete it… and I couldn’t. I have no excuses for why I said those things. I guess it was just my first reaction to reading your blog. A reaction that should have been kept to myself. I wrote it last night at work (I work the graveyard shift) and I couldn’t even sleep when I got home from work. I was sick to my stomach. You are right, I do not know you. I now understand your reasoning… although you did not owe me ANY explanation on why you get a cleaning lady… and I should not have assumed you did owe an explanation. I am so embarrassed for what I did. It is truly not even like me. I would be so ashamed if my husband, family or friends even know I did something irresponsible and rash like that. I am posting this anonymously again because I’m so embarrassed. You have a lot of family and friends supporting you and I can’t believe I would judge someone I don’t even know and then publicly attack them. You are a much better person that I’ll ever be and I apologize for inserting myself into your life so negatively. I am not a hater, although my actions definitely reflected that. I know this apology cannot take away what I wrote, but I did want you to know, for what its worth, I am truly sorry. I was going to send this personally to your email-- but if I can publicly criticize and judge you, I need to publicly apologize.

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  8. Wow, Anonymous. Thank you very much for your apology. I completely understand running your mouth without thinking... I do it a lot. I have lost sleep over my own actions a time or two (or many). I actually appreciate the opportunity to address something that perhaps many people were thinking. I hope you will continue to stick with my blog and be blessed by it. Thank you again. It takes character to admit when you make a mistake. I hope you can rest assured that there are no hard feelings and have a great weekend.

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  9. Dear Emmy and Anonymous- Thank you both for the respectful way that you handled your "public" conflict.

    Emmy- Even if I wasn't already loving your blog, the tone of respect in which you gracefully answered the accusations against you would have won me over.

    Anonymous- I am so proud of you for doing the right thing in publicly apologizing. I agree with Emmy- it shows true character to do the right thing; especially when no one else knows it was you.

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  10. Welcome to the blogosphere Emmy! There are fabulous people here. I mean that with all the sincerity in the world. Anonymous should be counted among them, since she apologized. So many other would have NEVER done that.

    I love you to bits and will happily help you find a cleaning lady that comes twice a week or three times a week or whatever you need. I am fully committed to helping you in anyway I can.

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  11. Emmy, Like Sandi said above, it happens to everyone at some point or another!

    I can still remember feeling hurt when faced with my first anonymous "hater". It's one of the "occupational hazards" in blogland! :)

    Unfortunately, because often these comments come in an anonymous way, somehow it seems like an indirect, frustrated comment by someone out there who perhaps hasn't had a good day themselves and is just lashing out at the first blog they come accross?! Nevertheless, they can be quite poignant and hurtful, as the owner of the blog is not a virtual person, but someone made from flesh and feelings!

    You are lucky "your" anonymous had the courtesy to recognise that and even apologised! :)

    Now I am a little savvy and also recognise there may be people out there just wishing to cause harm "for the sake of it". Sad but true!
    I personally welcome constructive criticism and a good debate, if we can all do it in a civilised and honest manner. That's what blogging is all about, but gratuitous nastiness and mean attitude just gets no attention from me! :)

    So I really admire the fact you gave this person the benefit of the doubt and took the time to reply and justify yourself in a "dedicated" post.

    Good on you!

    Oh, And I'm very happy to support you!

    All my love,
    Bird

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  12. Wow! I have been out of the loop for several days. Anonymous must have some things going on which prompted her to write her original comment, but she also has a heart and sent a nice apology. Enough said. I am THRILLED that you and your family will be adopting soon. What a journey! BTW, did you get my e-mail?

    {hugs and blessings}

    Amanda

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  13. I love Emmy AND Anonymous! Major integrity on both your parts. Let love abound, people!

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